Zoladex - 'Z' Day

Today was 'Z' day - my monthly Zoladex injection. This supresses my ovaries and stops the production of oestrogen. It is a painful injection into your stomach and is in fact a time release pellet in a gun, disguised as an injection. It really hurt today, probably because my own GP is on holiday and I had a new person, who was not that sympathetic to me being there. "Why are you seeing me rather than the nurses, who are quite capable of doing this injection" was her second comment. She had managed a "hello" previously. Needless to say I was rather taken aback and explained that it was the surgery that had told me that only GPs are allowed to do this 'injection' and that I also had a prescription request. This was for daily Arimidex tablets which will give a further mop up of oestrogen around my body. So, here I am, pre-menopausal going through an enforced menopause - hot flushes, sweats and other vile side effects. I am trying to minimise the side effects with high doses of Evening Primrose oil and natural remedies including Herbal Essences and pills, but those sweats just keep on happening. Think they may be getting a bit better, but they are definitely still with me.

So after the visit to the doctors, I went to see Laurel . Laurel has had breast cancer herself and then retrained as a complementary therapist. I had a few free sessions with her following my mastectomy, but now pay for sessions with her which are a bit of a lifeline. I never know quite what we are going to do, I just turn up and see what happens. It very much depends on what's going on for me. Today we did some visualisation around 'Mr Arimidex' which has helped me to see it as part of my wder treatement plan, which I am in charge of and which is time limited. At some point (and it's never soon enough for me!), things will return to 'normal'. One thing that is not reversible is my fertility - a source of grief and pain that can be overwhelming. And it was today. I am left with an image of a big fat juicy black grape on a vine in a biome. Beautiful, unspoilt and controlled - my oestrogen/ovaries as it should be. A contrast to my fears of a small brown raisin, shrivelled before its time. Dead or dying with a bitter flavour. Something to think about.