torn threads
james aire
█in the beginning█
whispered to myself that it did not matter
anyway
wind
gushing
over
body
racing
across
hair
pushing
back
body
reclines on rising
water
feeling gentle waves displaced touch
box black site light face
self arms
hands grasp neck bent over
teeth clench shroud eyes
blind suffer
man
extinguish will
horror
engulf isolate despair
submissive longing failure
desperate clutching hands inward
turning haunting distance pathos
body inert hovering hideous
inscription
seduction ideal
idol beckoning
taunting shine
upon standing above
beyond
away embedded chained punished
deny
vision project out
in up down object abyss tomb
goal alibi other end life
subjugate
coerce
extort control
annihilate
pattern
fetish
principle
death
away
beyond
turning
near
inward
situate
body
constraint
clawing
nausea
exhaust
exterminate
body
end
avoid
deny
freeze
suspend
withdraw
fix
set
place
display
use
artifact
white teeth
shine ideal
setting apart
immerse action
decision
negation
self
pain
face body
discordant conflict
tenuous ground fragile rage
document message picture light decode way round hopeless falsify decline pleasing touch decay consume feel swallow
employ
move
smell
look
talk
feel
assimilate
man
succumb
moment point
thrust ideal
shining back
nothingness
faceless
monologic
self
denial
rendering
consistent
order
smother
perspective
extinguish
will
death
life
restless
despair
lingering alone indifferent opaque exhaustion fleeting
moments of distraction
incitement
stimulus
crushed
punished
suffocated
diffused into oblivion
unreal
superficial naive
wishing it were not so distanced
isolated regret
consolation
longing for the animality of immediacy
sick house of the dead
necrosis of nostalgia
memory
history
tradition
time
twisted traces corpses shouting within cranium
convoluted mass of flesh encased within sheath of bones sutures mesentery
muscle cords impulses shooting across synapses coming back re-emerging
distorted re-presentations
coming back
uncertainty
lack of record lack of validation manipulation
distortion
thread sways with the
greater force
strongest wind
inexorable current
molding
shaping
revising
constructing
projecting
enforcing
indoctrinating
contrived
situations structured to evoke pre-calculated thoughts responses actions
behaviors feelings attitudes
hands holding tools employed to assimilate body into symphony of effects
organized under the disciplinary command of the conductor
making the piece fit into the puzzle
scenario
a play written long ago for some other actor
some other
experiential nexus
looking back wishing that it all would return
same
motifs shot back into the face like semen to keep the body in line
the same old song acting
performing in the play that
was written long ago ritualistically repeated over and over for all
everyone
eternal recurrence of monolithic slavish groveling fawning obedience
from the high up regions from
the distance one can see view the site the situation as it is
as it is
as it
is
eye never escapes the labyrinth the conceptual
experiential web
filter
spectacle
reprocessed cerebral stench fouls the ears as it resuscitates the lifeless
image of the lie
absurdity
those which are
not embedded situated
unconditional
absolute
operational dominion
legitimacy creation of a
pretext for pre-projected
activity pre-meditated systemic disruption laying down the strategic alibi
for a crackdown an extension of control
regulation containment breaking
of bodies
exploiting contradictions
everything will just fall into place
the script will be performed over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over and over
and over and over she wakes up in a new life it has all changed all changed over night nothing has changed at all
but it is all different changed
it looks the same
it feels the same it does so at first at first sight
but it has all changed changed with words
words have changed change underlying all around all around her
surrounding engulfing her making her change
the word has changed now she must change
my silly little noise vomiting little
wench my lovely precious child my
beautiful baby my luscious trixster daddy's little girl
you yourself by your words prove my asserted
case
you are irrational
it is such a shame too
but fortunately for me and the family name
it is no longer considered a demonic matter
let us thank the lord god that you will be
properly cared for in the psychiatric hospital yes yes
there you will be safe
and our family can once
again cultivate its pride and virtue as for you out of sight out
of mind out of will how dare you
say such things to your daughter you have never treated me properly always as a
sniveling child helpless
no
no daddy i am strong and i will fight you
this matter will not pass unanswered finalized
it is time that we
established a change in the way things are run
around here
yes that is it one
of the classic signs
of mental illness
flamboyant talk
non-sensical jabber
illusionist fantasies
dreams seem real
influencing thoughts there are no distinguishing marks
daughter
i have no
daughter
i have never
had any children what bring those little shit-faced brats up in an asshole
world like this
the sickening foul stench
the nausea the diarrhea the suffocation bring up a daughter
i would kill it first
no daddy you can't
say that do that it is me i am your daughter
i am your daughter
it is me
he stares far away oblivious to the hopeless
cries
it is me
god dammit it is me it is me it is me
jonathan you sickening
faggot take me inside
my business is finished here
nooooooo daddy you cannot no
she fell to her knees
her body heaves pain
tears burst
falling down
hysterical screaming
unending hysterical screaming
over
and over and over daddy no it is me
men in white jackets came
took her away
certainly there was no question as to her
sanity
she was obviously insane
would you not agree with me dear one that gentleman
acted speaking words which were nothing less than stunning
efficient
good
but for what conceivable end why for what
but she is my sister have you forgotten that
he is your father
it is you who have
forgotten he turns belching out all of it
the decision has been
made
it is final
it comes from my
mouth these words
she is to be no
more
a passionate
woman with a passion for revenge
an explosive four hour mini-series the inner sanctum of the mob in the
midst of this private circle
she found love
an outsider
she is a member of the family
it is time that you should know a few things about how your life is
continually reproduced certified
tired of over-crowded party
lines
its live its fun its one on one
in the all star fist fuck
have not eaten in about four or five days
hear you breathing
there is hardly any factory in which there is
not a heroine user
south east asian heroine
coverts operations heroine
genocidal heroine
derived from opium
synthetically produced
related to other opium derived substances
touching
the heated tip iron white or brownish
powder
it may be snorted smoked
on tobacco injected nausea in the abdomen euphoria pupils constrict tired
anxiety
kid needs needs a more powerful fix
body pays heavy price
inflammation deterioration of mucus membrane of
nose separation of mucus membrane septum of nose injection
run the risk of infection
potentially hazardous mixtures cuts
quinine milk sugar strictnine arsenic cyanide
starch laxative caffeine
live today for tomorrow you may be dead
tomorrow
additives chronic abscesses mainlining tracks
tatoos scare tissue haemorrhagia inflammation of the lymph glands irritated by
contaminants
hands become swollen
gangrene finger tips lockjaw tetanus
quinine narrows eyes arteries blurred vision deafness vertigo
vomiting diarrhea uncontrolled spasms tongue shoots out of
mouth
involuntarily bacterial infection in lower spine destroying liver in its
function of detoxification
hepatitis discolorization of skin completely yellow loss of weight walking
skeletons kidney failure
suppresses sexual desire
menstrual abnormalities
slows down digestive process intestinal pain hemorrhoids
brain heart lungs depress central nervous
system floods brain cells becomes dependent on external source withdraw symptoms sneezes tremor
of tongue nausea vomiting sweating aching hot cold sweats skin becomes clammy
restless irritable legs feet jerk
fungus blocking arteries
abscesses blood boils amputation pulmonary edema death
needle still inserted in the corpse
tuberculosis mass of abscesses breathing
shallow insufficient oxygen weight loss pneumonia cough up heavy flem pain in
stomach AIDS
tree
young tree bush tree rushing pushing apart about leaves rows of leaves twirling around
bottom
light surface casting between
shadow
faces gnawing
faces projecting
out casting about across with against faces move in unison joined
at the trunk together
faces crying out grasping clawing to break out away
from illusion locked up
neck chained tomb suffocating tomb body constriction holding it down frenzied
claustrophobia shaking screaming saliva
streaming
eyes
bulging burning brain
gasping guttural squeals no relief illusion of difference monolithic
common swill engulfs swinging along together away shielding glances pulling eyes away flickering turning
away wind rushing through leaves racing pulsing about around
quakes
trembling
horizontal on bed horror engulfs eyes images chaotically race
through head
body distorts under pressure of raging
blood
clutches face head crushing eyes with heals of hands
tearing at sweat-drenched hair
grinding teeth small streams of saliva leak running
down unshaven chin down over neck chest saliva burns skin forming small pool on
sternum digging fingernails into skin attempting to quench teasing pain
screaming slivers tear away
beads of blood become
streams
jumping up out of bed wearing dirty ripped
boxer shorts
spinning wide-eyes glaring
into darkness small room without heat
leave me alone mouth gasps
what do you want from me
running over to window pushing face against
cold pane of glass crying as cat face hands loosening slipping across glass
knees buckling underneath rolling down onto side cupping hands over face
muttering
what do you want why will you not just leave me alone resting head down
onto cold wooden floor
becomes quiet still
eyes seal cementing with
evaporating tears nose runs with mucus intermittent wiping with index
finger
whimpering clasps knees to chest lightly rubbing hair on backs of
legs
falling
into light state of sleep
breathing shallow
mouth cracks open
slightly
tongue protrudes
between lips ashtrays full of cigarette butts scattered haphazardly
one spilt into rusty sink affixed to wall
filled consumed by soiled
dishes
branching spores of mold
emanating horrible stench
rotting tissue roaches edge out from shelter with calm surveying decomposing
reality
rats and mice roam small cabinet adjacent to sink echoing screeches of
scratching gnawing
water faucet monotonously drips into standing water
breezes whistle through cracked window pushing curtains aside kicking
old newspapers
headlights flash across room illuminating disarray refrigerator stands
unplugged powerless door wedged open by chair rotten food decays on shelves
milk curdles sour stale permeating room
maggots slither through piles of garbage clumped near door roach moves from sink to
garbage
springing feet stop screaming
i beg you go away
throwing books across room crashing into walls
scurrying toward sink throwing dishes
roaches running for cover
putrid mass in sink clings to hands
hesitating
head shuttering eyes freeze hands choking
no you cannot do it
my-my skin i cannot
decay now no not yet
running toward closet door tripping over small
stool crashing face down cutting arms forehead in slivers of broken dishes clenching tears pain grips
face
lines of blood cut paths
into neck
slowly back onto
feet
hands pull jagged pieces of
glass from skin blood
falling to floor
approaching closet door
turns knob slowly hearing clicking
sound searching for light
switch
turning on bright glare strikes spouting no
cut into door wooden floor deep bloody claw marks brain remembers
smear of blood leading to depths of closet fury mass lying in back
appearing to exist in motion
pushing aside clothes on hangers obscuring vision
on floor lay dog half-eaten by rats with one
bloody paw
hysterical punching swinging encircling room
falls over lamp setting on television
crashing down explodes on impact running toward kitchen slipping on
garbage smashes head on
edge of sink breaking off wall
sucked to floor lying
unconscious nearby rat perches licking up fresh blood
another eyes body
sudden realization of biting pain lunges to
feet
grabbing head between hands pushing together to
crush brain
face red sweat clings to hair forehead
large veins bulge from neck
streams of spit run from mouth
gasping breathless guttural sounds
squealing groans spit out into air
flies lay eggs into
open flesh of dog body rocks to maintain
balance
water gushes from broken pipe jetting from wall
hands fumble stained cup fill with brown water
raise to lips sucks in swallows cup slips scatters to floor
echoes crisp ring waking slowly squirming in bed
beneath shredded woolen blanket opening eyes room pulsates into focus ceiling glares at body with cracks water
stains
cob webs span corners of room