Thank God the truly wretched works of Shakespeare Were never produced or brought to light. For that small piece of good fortune The old bard must be truly grateful. Think of it They must have existed once Little-known drafts of real stinkers like "Cicero’s Bathtub" A horrid little tragedy in the Greco-Roman style Or perhaps "Helmut und Brunhilde" An impossibly unfunny romantic comedy set In a German brothel. No. They are forever lost to our great relief. Had they been extant, surely some high-minded Critic, quick to make a name Would have declared them masterpieces And some sleazy production company Would have turned them into Even cheesier Movies of the Week.