dream to see

Dez Johnson

dream to see 

I looked in the mirror today 

looked for hours, minutes, days..

the girl looking back at me, looked strange

the girl looking back at me...

was me

So I cried..I cried for all the vanity in the world

I cried because I hated what I saw

I cried for my unability to change it...

I drowned in my tears last night,

fighting off the insanity

fighting the ever growing sickness that is myself....

I sometimes wonder

I sometimes wonder, does the world know 
it's rotting from the inside? 
Does it know when we inject it with poison? 
I wonder sometimes if it 
knows, if it feels. maybe that's 
why volcanos suddenly erupt after 
being dormant for thousand of years...
like the worlds rage just finally boiled 
enough to do something about it...
and then it's like every trajedy is justified, 
every storm, every disaster has the fury 
of self justification, right on it's side. 
Should we not suffer? Even now, we do things, 
we know we will pay for in the end. 
It's true humans are a disease. 
We are the world's disease, 
and we are our own disease. 
I bet god looks at us 
as his biggest failure...
but then, one shinning moment 
comes through...an act of 
pure kindness, pure love. 
How is it, that we as 
human beings can encompass 
the most evil of things, 
and yet the most beautiful?? 
Is it true to say, that 
we aren't good or evil, 
but good and evil.. all wrapped into one...
maybe he doesn't know what happened to us...
maybe it really was just all a big mistake...
an experiment gone wrong, but irreversible...
and maybe god doesn't exsist at all..
but I don't believe that,,, 
I don't know what I believe half the time, 
I just wonder..i wonder so manythings some times 
I think my head is going to explode, like I know 
that most humans can't possibly have this many 
pointless thoughts bouncing around like I do....

I'm going to end this, before I get out of hand.... 

E-mail Dez

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