it?s a hard one to take the losing and the winning and the loss of face the ups
the downs the wandering home alone at night the confusion at other people?s luck
seeing the golden apple fall ripe into there out stretched hands whilst they
laze around the pool and you break your back in some darkened dingy hole trying
to get some stale dry crumbs discarded from the previous night the taking it and
sometimes i guess the giving it as well the ease with which some seem to make it
work with a gifted grace that lacks in you and is made obvious in the
awkwardness that sometimes shows in the full glare of the social spotlight that
makes its appearance when you least want or expect it to the utter desperation
of why him and not you or what have they got that you haven?t the pleas to god
or to the moon and stars of why is it so hard what do i have to do who do i have
to be to make it in this world of why the woman i most loved in this crazy up
down universe loved as much as a man can love was the only one i should never
have met or spoke to or touched or said hello to or spent a single lonely minute
with i need a message a sign a pointer of where to look to answer all these
fucking questions that even at my age are still left hanging