March
Letter
from Mother & Father giving me their full approval to pursue such course
towards Miss M as my own feelings & sentiments prompt me; Father speaking
in high terms of her, and strangely enough while both were writing to me,
in she came & they made her stay and would be happier for having the
company of her sweet face & her yet intelligent conversation.
Wrote home in the evening, as to Miss M- suggesting the propriety (almost needless too, on consideration) of them not naming it to any one.
Sent London News to Miss Miles, yesterday;
Miss Miles & her mother together with my Father & Mother and a party of other known ones at Bishopthorpe on Sunday last, tea at Challengers & over the Garden of the Palace, all being happy and I happy in hearing so.
Miss Miles continues to visit our house in company with
the Bacon family often.
William told me all the news of home, old friends, cronies,
schoolfellows & brothers of the drama, how all are dispersed, giving
me kind greetings from many; he has not spoken on or referred to Miss Miles
beyond a casual repetition of her name & I am thus in hope he does
not know of the feelings I bear towards her.
August
I met Miss Miles; I felt a reserve at meeting her, & we were rather distant; she was just off for Church; she does not look well & is much altered since I saw her last; her face as full of expression as ever though; in the afternoon a party of us started for Bishopthorpe driving round by Copmanthorpe and Tadcaster; Mother, Father, Mrs. Miles, Wm Dewse, R. Eagle & Lil in one carriage & I driving Miss Miles, Miss Bacon & Mary in a very nice double phaeton. Tea & merriment at Challiners45; joined by Mrs. Wright & Redfern; to the Palace Gardens; raspberries;
All met this (Thursday) morning at Prince Albert's Model lodging- houses, in excellent, healthy, cleanly & no doubt, cheap cottages; then to the Exhibition; a pleasant wander down the main avenue & then we lost one half our party in the Machinery Court; Mrs. Miles, Miss Miles & their friends becoming detached from us; trying to find them, useless labour though by after accounts we must have been within a yard or two of each several times; in the gallery devoted to Musical Instruments, arms & clocks, bid good by to the Exhibition;
I left all to find Miss Miles out to go to the Opera;
took Hansom to Edgware Road after much searching found their lodgings then
past 5; left word for Miss M to be ready, & took cab to lodgings, calling
at Leade & Cocks in New Bond St. to buy 2 pit tickets for her
Majesty's46;
dressed, & returned to cab to Miss M's and waited for her dressing
and then to Her Majesty's Theatre in the Haymarket; the most noble theatre
& largest theatre in Europe excepting La Scala at Milan; pit crowded
so moved to the Stalls; the Opera was Don Giovanni; Coletti playing
the Don, Mad Fiorentini Donna Anna. Lablache- Leporello. F. Lablanche-Masetto.
Tierlina- Alboni, whose rich melodious-rounded tones I can never forget;
Lablache as Leporello and Mde. Fiorentini as Donna Anna were to be admired,
though the whole was very stately, very grand, the long tiers of boxes,
curtained & concealed had a chilly look & the place lacked the
comfort of the Lyceum; there was a ballet afterwards. Rosati dancing; cab
to Edgware Road & Charring X; I hope she was delighted; it was enough
to be in her company; we did not talk much & I had no courage to say
what I wanted & I could not talk mere small talk.
Wrote to Mrs. Miles & Miss M. to know if they will
come with Mother to our Musical Festival on the 26th, as they can return
for one fare from Normanton or Bristol.
September
Letter on Wednesday morning from Father; he is very friendly with Mr. Miles; but alas, my cause seems a forlorn one; a George Dewse, cousin of Wm's by Miss Brookley, [is] attached to Miss M for some time past. This accounts more reasonably for her reserve than anything else; I must hope and hope on, certain it is that I never [have] seen anyone whose outward appearance, & conversation have so forcibly impressed me; all I can attach to my London sojourn with her is a glove now in my desk; I will keep it; will she ever see it again, in the desk? Who shall say? she accepted a pair from me in exchange for this one which I had dipped, with her hand, in a fountain at Greenwich
Tuesday, long and affectionate sympathising letter from Miss Smith- "sister Josephine". with good advice as to my heart's complaint, but not much of hope, thinking as I am almost forced to do, that if Miss M. does not entertain any feeling towards me, it is merely of a slight & doubtful friendship & that her affection is placed elsewhere.- Wrote to Miss Miles to enquire as to her health. Wrote a letter of excuse
wrote also to Mother to bring me the Bible I gave her for Miss Miles,
Thursday morning, letter from Miss Miles, her first letter, I hope the beginning of many; though it does [not] call for a reply, but it shall have one; she is very young, though, and I may not be justified in drawing her into a correspondence; but I will write as I would to Lilla, only desiring to become a pleasure to her & to amuse & if I can, instruct her.
Long letter from dear Mother this morning; approving of the change of lodgings during the illness in Lowesmoor Place; informing me too that Miss M. suffers from a very sad hereditary scorbutic complaint, & with true motherly instinct she wishes me to consider this; I shall do so, remembering that it is Miss M's misfortune & no fault & deserves my deep sympathy;
Received letter from Miss Miles this afternoon; she begins by accounting for not replying earlier to my letter as she had left the friends I had addressed it to & had gone further up the country; without answering my enquiry as to her health she passes on, & in reply to my question as to whether it was agreeable to her to receive the newspapers, says she is obliged to me but does not wish me to continue sending them thinking I may be depriving "some other of my friends". She then says I am extending my letters to too great a length especially as I think myself too young to correspond with a gentleman." & so she remains, ever respectfully M.A.M. and so perish all the fair creations my imagination had led me to hope might, in time, be realised. Had she said that her Father & Mother did not wish her to correspond with anyone, I could have judged kindly & appreciated her resolve, but in reply to a simply enquiry after her health broaching no other topics but those we had been engaged in London, as she give me so very cool a reply & is so very respectful, it crushes all my hopes.- I have been unlucky in all my attempts to give her pleasure, & it will be to her pleasure to see me leave her, so I wrote & told her how I had not attached any other motive to my letter than the one I had given, that I will withdraw my papers as she requests, though I should scarcely have thought them capable of offending, & regretting that I have so often unwittingly given her annoyance & promising it shall not occur again. And so Amen- God Bless her.
October
She encloses me a letter she had had from Miss Miles, very affectionately written - no mention in it of me, or my letters- it shows her good judgement & prevents all discussion- which would be painful.-
November
remonstrates with me on my views of M.A.M. thinking she has acted very properly in refusing to answer my question. Mayhap she did; but as she did write she might have answered it.
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