The Curse?
I know all the arguments that this isn't meant to be 'real' Doctor Who, that it was produced for charity, that it was meant to be funny (after all, you would hardly cast Rowan Atkinson as the Doctor if it was not meant to be laughed at in some respects), but I have to say that I really thought the production stank to high heaven. I never thought I would say this, but I actually prefer Dimensions in Time.
But why? Why would I say this? Especially as I've already read on rec.arts.drwho that anyone who disliked this new charity show is a no-hope fanboy, presumably with no life, no girlfriend, and no sense of humour. Well I hate to disappoint you folks, but I have a life, I am married, and I do have a sense of humour. The reason that I disliked The Curse of the Fatal Death so much is that it appears to have sounded the final death knell for Doctor Who as far as the BBC are concerned.
It did this by restating what the show did in the eighties: failing to build on its successes and instead pandering to fan expectation.
I've recently seen some of the early edit material from the new Reeltime Pictures video drama Mindgame Trilogy. Now I know that Mindgame was not one hundred percent enthusiastically received by fans. I also realise that it had some problems in the scripting, and that - as an accompanying documentary makes clear - there were problems on the day of recording. However what Reeltime have realised is what the BBC have not, that to make any drama, you should always make the most of your successes, and try and sideline or avoid what does not work. Therefore Mindgame and its sequel use small casts, are studio bound with single sets, they use simple yet effective video effects, and the entire production is geared to capitalise on claustrophobia and good acting.
Now whether these productions succeed or not is, of course, a matter of opinion. However they take themselves and their audience seriously.
In the case of The Curse of the Fatal Death we are presented with just about everything that was ever wrong (or claimed to be wrong) with Doctor Who. There is the tautological title (death is always fatal), there's the cliches about time travel and hopping back to right something before it happens, there's the over-acted and over-dressed Master, forever cackling, there's a TARDIS console with a hyper-active time rotor heaving in the middle, there's the 'running down corridors that look the same' gag, there's the Doctor falling in love with his assistant, there's incidental music produced on sound-alike synthesisers which detracts from rather than complements the action, there's the meaningless regenerations, actors chosen on the basis of who they are rather than their suitability for the role, and finally, to cap it all, the fanboy's wet dream ... a female Doctor played by Joanna Lumley, and said Doctor falling in love with the Master.
All that was missing were some wobbly sets and some tin-foil monsters (although we did get the 'Daleks have sink plungers for hands' gag).
All these things are media misconceptions about what Doctor Who was. They are the reasons why the BBC won't make the show. It was a kids programme. It was just a bit of fun. It really wasn't all that good. If the plot of this charity story had been postulated as a BBC novel, or a Marvel comic strip, or as an audio adventure, then it would have been rejected from the word go. I wonder how many fanzines would have accepted a short story which fed off these perceived aspects of the show. This latest BBC skit succeeded, but only in cementing these myths and misconceptions in the public's mind. Doctor Who really was crap.
Now I don't know about you, but the Doctor Who that I grew up with and love to this day was never crap. It didn't always have wobbly sets and endless running down corridors, it didn't have amourous assistants and overacting at every turn. The monsters were not made of tin foil and there was no handy nipping back in time to foil the baddies.
My Doctor Who gave me a strong sense of right and wrong, that evils have to be fought and, sometimes, it's hard to win. My Doctor Who had engaging and quirky plots, companions that you cared for and who looked up to the Doctor as a surrogate father or brother and not as a potential lover. My Doctor Who scared me, it fascinated and entertained. It was never careless or thoughtless, the Doctor was always the hero and yet the aliens and villains also had a charismatic charm and confidence. Doctor Who was a reliable rock in a sea of shifting schedules, it was always enjoyable, always thought provoking, always the subject of discussion. My Doctor Who never took itself too seriously, but it never became so blatantly aware of its own deficiencies that it delighted in parodying itself. My Doctor Who made me cry on several occasions, it gave me sleepless nights, it filled me with wonder and transported me to a place where Daleks and Cybermen really existed, and the Doctor would always save the world in the nick of time.
To those of you who loved The Curse of the Fatal Death, I'm sorry. In amongst the parody and mockery of everything that was ever perceived to be bad about the show there were some nice lines of dialogue, some things which flared briefly as an echo of the show that I love. These were, however, lost amid a celebration of weakness and dreadful self-awareness. It is such a shame. Another wasted opportunity to show the public that Doctor Who can be great again. Rather than emphasising the tired and inaccurate dogma of the show's opposers, it could have celebrated everything that was great about the series. It could have been insightful where it contained farce, it could have promoted unease where it relied on jokes about flatluence, it could have been an adult drama promoting the causes of Comic Relief through the approach and attitude of the Doctor towards the situation.
But it wasn't.
ADDENDA:
Since I posted this column, I have been partly amused and partly worried by the reaction it seems to have stirred up. I have received several e-mails agreeing with my views and thanking me for saying what I said. I have also seen comments on rec.arts.drwho from people who should know better (and some whom I have never met) accusing me of being some anal fanboy-type creature, unable to distinguish between a charity skit and 'real' Doctor Who.
What these people seem to have overlooked are my final paragraphs. So I'll state it here more blatantly. I am not against Doctor Who being used to promote fundraising. Comic Relief is a great cause, and as with all charity, people should be free to decide for themselves whether to contribute to it or not. If using Doctor Who helps to raise more money, then excellent. Use it every time.
The point I am trying to make is in the way that Doctor Who was used. Would the BBC take, to pick another popular-at-the-time show for example, Colditz and have the cast swanning around in an 'allo 'allo style parody? Would they take the cast of Z-Cars and have them doing The Thin Blue Line impressions while Brian Blessed shouts and grins through his beard at everyone like Windsor Davies from It 'aint 'alf Hot Mum? I don't think they would. This is what our innumerable sit-coms and comedy dramas are there for. So why do it with Doctor Who?
Doctor Who has been parodied before, it's an easy target, I suppose, and a lot of my disappointment stems from the fact that, in this instance, it didn't have to be like that. Some people seem to believe that just because it was all for charity, that we should therefore ignore any failings the show has. I'm sorry, but crap is crap whether the intentions behind it are charitable or not. And a good, high-quality product is always going to attract more attention (and money) than something that fails to amuse at any level. My point is not that Doctor Who should not be used for that purpose ... of course it should if it helps raise awareness for the cause and gets more people to put their hands in their pockets to contribute something. My point is that the production simply could have achieved the same charitable end by celebrating what was good about the show rather than what was bad. It could have left people thinking: that Doctor Who was pretty good wasn't it. I used to enjoy that. Wonder why it's not being made any more?
Instead it left people saying: That was a pile of rubbish. No wonder the BBC aren't making it any more.
And this isn't just my view. After writing the words below, I've spoken to non-fans in my family, friends and people at work and I have yet to find anyone who saw it who actually thought it was either a good incentive for (most importantly) Comic Relief or (of minor importance) a good advert for Doctor Who.
Finally, this column is not a 'rant' as one correspondent amusingly described it. If anything it is a piece written from a sadness that a high-profile opportunity to use a much loved show to raise essential funds for a great cause resulted in said much loved show being - literally - dragged through the sewers and demeaned in the public eye. Comic Relief is not about demeaning anything. It is about giving people back a sense of pride, a sense of worth, and a sense that people care. It's a shame that the same principles weren't applied to the subjects they choose to use to promote the cause.
Regardless of what you thought about the show, and regardless of what I may have thought, Comic Relief is all about helping others. So please, if you visit this page, donate something.