Your Letters
Uh...thanks.
Dear The Syphilis Tank,
I am totally pissed. Jam is a cartoon klob roll et
Nick ist Axel Rows. James is Slash McClane and Nov Rane is dont damn me GNR is
safe and cheese is slash oh this is so funny becows i cant se nefing. I am
riting with an hb pencil i fink. I am goin to sleep and i am ritin in da dark.
I'M A RITH! SAFE! Then my writings Jonnie nows he werds 2 nirvana he's pissed. I
am Nott. Mrs Nott is a physics teacher. Jhn nick james peat. My no jon's toe is
hurting. I am laughin uncontrollig. I mising out da ton jon's penis hurts. This
is behind the cubord. Finitd.
Dear The Syphilis Tank,
I don't really know what to write to you as I
don't know what you're interested in and as well if you're interested in me
writing letters to you. To be true, I miss most the way you kissed me. This is
what's really a bit awful sometimes. But I'm so looking forward to a letter from
you, really. I think that they may be great fun. So I'll give you my address
first of all [name and address burned].
The telefon number may confuse you a
bit but it's just in case that you come to Germany by chance, I don't expect you
to ring me.
I just reread this letter, it really doesn't sound too nice, it's
just that I haven't speaken English for about one week now and I'm already
losing my style again [It happens. Ed.], what does this tell us?
I'll have to
come back, at least on eweek during my summer holidays.
School starts again
tomorrow. I must get up in about 6 hours, gave a shower, brush my teeth, put on
some clothes and make-up and take the tram to school. Horrifying, isn't
it?
Tomorrow evening, I go to the theatre to see "Dracula" it seems to be
very very good, at least everybody told me so. I've been out on Friday night.
Seen lots of my friends back, great fun. Just one thing missed - wanted to dance
with you. I'm dreadfully sad, can't stell you how muc, I think if I had stayed I
would have been quite likely to fall in love with you.
Blue is my favourite
colour, it's because I love the sea.
One day I will go to Cornwall and buy a
nice white cottage with a wonderful view to the rodes, over the meadows to the
sea.
I will sit in the my garden under the oak tree and look at the stormy
sea with all this wind in my hair [all this damn wind. Ed]. I hope somebody will
be with me.
Dear The Syphilis Tank,
Well you left without saying Goodbye, it's 6:50am
and we just got back from whatever club it was that we were in. Good luck with
the rest of your travels, my no at school is [censored]. I know that if you
don't ring it'll be because you don't want to! Well, when you do get back 2
London give me a ring and maybe we could meet up (or not!).
Dear The Syphilis Tank,
How are you? I feel fine now! I'm sorry, that I
haven't written a letter up to now, but I had reasons!
I had a crash with my
car. My car had a few dents and I had some blue spots. But after one week my car
and me were o.k. again.
Then I had to go to hospital because I had
appendizzzitis. On the 9th of January I have been operated and after the
operation I slept the whole day long because of the narcosis. I had to stay in
hospital for one week and then at home for three weeks. On the 9th of February I
will be allowed to go working again at last! The difference is just that I do
not lie in bed in hospital but I nurse the people who are in bed with an
illness. I nurse the people who have to be operated and old people who suffer
from heavy decrepitude. I have to work in the following wards: ra, ra, ra... We
have to learn very very much to become a nurse but your friends who study
medicin have to learn much more...
In my free time I dance (Rock'n'Roll with
my brother) and I do gymnastics.
I send you a photo from me, please send me
one of you.
I hope you'll write me back.
Dear thesyphilistank,
Are you by any chance Sri Lankan in origin as your
name has more letters than there are sheep being buggered in Wales, by short
bearded men with "extra" pairs of wellington boots on them at all times! Anyway
I was reading through your fine web page and suddenly realised that it was in
actual fact a pile of crap. This sudden realisation caused me to have a heart
attack thereby leading to me thrusting too hard into the sheep's mouth causing
him to chomp of my manhood! I'm just letting you know this because I'm now going
to sue you for $9999999999999 doyar.
Yours sincerely,
Cliff
Richard
(President of Sheep Shaggers Of America)