Yellow?
Sir, following the EU Directive concerning harmonisation of rainbows requiring one of the colours to be abolished, I was shocked, appalled and astonished to hear that the colour proposed by Tony Blair is violet.
I can see this makes sense from an aesthetic point of view. Indigo and violet are very similar and rainbows would not look that different with double the amount of indigo in them. I make this statement subject to hearing whether the Indigo Producers unions have any concerns about the doubling of their output over the two year phase out period.
However, as a Hydrangea breeder, I have hundreds of varieties in various shades of violet which, if the Directive goes ahead, will all have to be destroyed. Whilst our pink and blue ranges could be extended, there is far more scope with the violet ones and I fear many jobs at the nursery may be lost as a result of this ill thought out choice. I hope by this letter to make the case for a vastly more suitable alternative - yellow.
There are two colours surrounding yellow on the rainbow: orange and green. Therefore the amount of extra colours having to be produced would be spread between them rather than landing the Indigo Producers with the entire burden.
However, my main reason, contrary to what you may believe, is not due to the fact there are no yellow varieties of Hydrangea but because yellow is a nasty and evil colour.
Yellow is universally acknowledged by Colour Theorists as problematic. It has been variously assigned to emotional activity, the ego or the occult - we could lose yellow's negative effect on our psyche at a stroke by abolishing it. Red represents energy with green being embodiment of balance and of natural energy - extra doses of these colours to compensate would have immeasurable effects on our wellbeing and I'm sure would contribute towards lasting peace agreements in warring nations.
Yellow was the colour Arthur Dent saw out of the window the day that the dreaded Vogon Constructor fleet came to demolish the earth in The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Universe.
Yellow was the colour of the balls potted by my opponent in a pool game I had several years ago during an RAF competition. From the break, my opponent potted all his balls as well as the black without me taking a shot. This is known as being "seven balled". As a penance and long tradition in the RAF club, I was forced to run round the table with my trousers round my ankles a humiliating seven times.
Yellow is the colour of wasps, we could get rid of them all - who would mourn? We would of course have to encourage breeding of more honey bees, who are far more friendly in their warm oranges and browns to fill any gaps in crop and flower pollination.
Yellow is the colour an unsupervised decorating contractor painted my kitchen when I asked for pale primrose; for three months before it was redecorated, I had to put sunglasses on before I could eat my breakfast.
Yellow River was the song played endlessly and repeated by a young teenager I had the misfortune to agree to look after in the early 1970s whilst his mother was hospitalised. I very nearly lost my sanity that weekend and always experience significant stress levels whenever it is unexpectedly played on the radio. Under the Directive, all copies would have to be recycled and I should never have to listen to it ever again.
I rest my case, and in the forthcoming referendum, I urge everyone to please vote Yellow!
Yours,
Concerned Hydrangea Breeder
PS With sincere apologies to sunflower and daffodil growers.