Hope Has a Place
Part Eight
~ ~ ~

Harry poked his poached egg, watching as the yolk ran over his plate, yellow slime staining the white. He hated runny eggs, it was the first time he'd ever been served something he hated in the Great Hall. Not that he was hungry anyway, but still, it was the principle of the thing. Would nothing go right today?

No, he knew it wouldn't. Today was the day he had to face Remus in a classroom. It was their first lesson after breakfast and Harry felt the bile rise in his throat. He couldn't do this. How could they expect him to do this? He glanced up at the top table and panicked when he saw Lupin's eyes fixed on him. The iris looked slightly yellow and then Harry remembered. The full moon was tonight.

He had to go to Lupin's class when the man was being taken over by the wolf.

He couldn't do this. He wouldn't do this.

Harry climbed over the bench, not even saying goodbye to his friends, and left the hall, heading for the nearest bathroom. He would stay in there until the class was over and if McGonagall wanted him expelled, then he would be expelled, but there was no way he was going to go to the DADA classroom while Lupin was in it.

He stared at himself in the mirror above the sink, he looked pale, with deep shadows under his eyes, no wonder, he hadn't had much sleep. The nightmares were becoming more and more of a problem and a few times he wondered if he should go and get some Dreamless Sleep from Madam Pomfrey, but he didn't want to be bombarded with questions as to why he needed it.

Maybe if he asked Snape? He made all the infirmary's potions, didn't he? And he wouldn't need to explain to Snape why, Snape already knew.

He sighed as he remembered their kiss in the forest and he touched his lips, as if unsure that it had really happened to him. Snape had kissed him, Snape had wanted him but held back because he was a student, something that Lupin never did. Lupin had been too far gone to stop, despite Harry's protests and sometimes Harry wasn't sure that Lupin even remembered what he'd done.

Sometimes Harry wondered if it wasn't better when his memories had been obliviated.

He splashed cold water on his cheeks, one ear listening for the bell to signal the end of first period. He wasn't sure how long he'd been in the bathroom, when the clanging rang out and he could finally go to his next class.

Just as he pushed the door open, it was pushed back and he staggered backwards, holding his jaw. The edge of the door had smashed into his face. He straightened up to glare at the boy and shouted something about being more careful, but his words caught in his throat.

It wasn't a boy. It was Remus Lupin.

"You weren't in class today, Harry," he said after he'd locked and warded the door.

Fuck!

Harry reached for his wand but Lupin was too quick and disarmed him at once, that strange smile on his face again. His eyes were almost all yellow now, his pupils just a tiny black dot in the centre.

Harry had never believed the saying before, that people could be rooted to the spot with terror, but he believed it now. He tried to move his feet, but they wouldn't obey him. He just couldn't move.

He cast a disarming spell at Lupin, willing wandless magic to him, but it didn't work. Lupin laughed.

"Students can't perform any spells in the bathrooms, Harry, wandless or otherwise. Too many attempted suicides over the years. All the bathrooms are warded against students doing anything so foolish again." Lupin took a step towards him, Harry stepped back, his progess impeded by a stall door. He had to get out of here.

"Now, Harry. You've missed my class again. Tell me, what do you think your punishment should be for that? Since detention doesn't seem to work for you, does it?"

Lupin was next to him now, breathing in his ear and Harry felt his knees buckle. He tried to push past the man, but Lupin's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, grinding his bones together. "Not so fast, Harry. I haven't finished with you yet."

"Let go of me!" hissed Harry, trying to struggle out of Lupin's grasp. "I won't let you touch me again!"

"Really, Harry? You think you have a choice in the matter?" Lupin pushed him to his knees, his fingers digging into Harry's shoulders as he held him there. Lupin's eyes glittered with a feral madness that Harry knew would not be able to listen to reason. The wolf had taken over now, just as it had all those other times. It didn't make things any easier.

"Please, let me go," Harry whispered.

"You are not going anywhere. You've been a very naughty boy and you know what happens to naughty boys, don't you?"

"They - they get punished," sobbed Harry, willing himself to be anywhere but here. Lupin had always called what he did to Harry a punishment. He often wondered what terrible things he'd done in order to merit such punishment.

"Turn around," ordered Lupin. Harry couldn't move as Lupin still held firm to his shoulders, he just sobbed louder. Lupin yanked hard on Harry's waist, turning him so that Harry faced the door of the stall. He stared at the wood, looking at the intricate patterns of the grain on the door.

He struggled when he felt Lupin's hands on the button of his trousers beneath his robe, but Lupin was ready for his defiance. Lupin yanked Harry's hair so hard that he yelped and his eyes watered. The werewolf slammed Harry's head against the door, stunning him but not knocking him out completely. Everything greyed out for a moment and Harry felt sick. The door swung open and Harry found himself on all fours, half in and half out of the cubicle. He ended up suporting himself with his hands. He wanted to pass out, but he was not offered that reprieve.

Lupin had pulled Harry's trousers and underwear down in a matter of moments and he knew there was nothing he could do to stop it. He waited for Lupin to do what he would. Nothing happened. He was crouched on a bathroom floor with his clothes round his ankles, just waiting for it be over. The sooner Lupin started, the sooner it would be over. Why wasn't he doing anything?

"You have to want it, Harry. You have to beg me for it."

What?

"No! I will never ask that! I don't want this! I don't!"

"No? Then perhaps I should pay a little visit to Dumbledore. I have some information that he might be interested in. In fact I think he would find it very interesting indeed."

"Information?" asked Harry and then cursed himself for even talking to him. He had to get out of here. Harry tried to crawl away, but Lupin was holiding tight to his hips, his erection poking Harry in the back. Harry was sure his hips would be bruised tomorrow. Lupin was so strong. He swallowed. This was not happening. It couldn't be happening again. It was just another one of his nightmares, wasn't it?

"Yes, Harry. You see I'm sure Dumbledore would want to know about any teacher who was touching students so inappropriately."

"You'd tell him about what you've done?" What would be the point of that? That wouldn't worry Harry in the least.

"Oh no, dear Harry, not me. I would have to tell him about what I saw in the Forbidden Forest. And what would happen then, do you think? Dumbledore couldn't keep our dear Severus in his employ then, not if he knew that he touched the boy who lived. And without any information on Hogwarts, what use is a spy to Voldemort then?"

No. No. No. Harry refused to believe it. No-one had seen them in the forest, surely? Lupin was bluffing, wasn't he? But what if he wasn't? What if he went to Dumbledore and Veritaserum was used? Snape would have to say what happened. And if Snape left Hogwarts, he was as good as dead. Harry couldn't risk it. He couldn't let Snape die.

"Well, Harry? What's your answer?"

"Do it. Just do it," Harry ground out through gritted teeth.

"Sorry, Harry? What was that? I couldn't hear you."

"Just do it you fucking bastard!" he yelled through his tears.

"If you insist," said Lupin and Harry imagined him to be smirking.

Harry concentrated on the tiles on the floor, not what Lupin was doing to him. It hurt, a burning, searing pain that he just wanted to be over. Lupin didn't prepare him, didn't stretch him with fingers first, there was no lubricant of any sort, Lupin never even bothered with saliva. Harry could feel his skin tearing, could feel a small trickle back there that he knew must have been blood.

His knees and hands were aching from being on the hard floor and he just hoped Lupin would come soon. It would be over then. Lupin's fingers were digging uncomfortably into his hips, pulling Harry towards him with every thrust. And each time agony flared in Harry's body anew. He wouldn't be able to cope with this much longer and willed himself to faint.

Please, please let him finish. Oh, Please. Please!

Harry's breath was hitching in his throat, snot and tears ran down his face, he could hardly breathe, Lupin's weight was solid on his back, erratic breathing in his ears. He wanted to throw up but was afraid that if he did he would choke.

Lupin seemed to be taking forever, as though he wanted to draw it out as long as possible. But finally, Lupin howled and pulled out, the abrupt exit tearing Harry's muscles again. He tried to move away, but Lupin wasn't finished with him yet. Lupin pushed him flat on the floor, Harry's head next to the toilet, Lupin's knee pressing against the small of his back. There was the slap of flesh on flesh and as Lupin moaned in ecstasy, Harry felt the wetness splash against his neck and hair, the smell of semen heavy in the air. He shuddered, feeling debased. Lupin had come on his neck and hair, like he was marking him.

Harry could barely move. He was sore everywhere, how was he going to get to class in the state he was in?

"Remember Harry, not a word to anyone, or Snape will be the one who pays, won't he? I think we should make this a regular arrangement, don't you? I'll see you next week."

Harry lifted his head to glare at the man. He didn't even looked dishevelled, only a small flush to his cheek gave any indication of what had happened. Lupin smirked down at him and tossed a bronze knut at Harry's head. Harry flinched away from it, almost banging into the toilet.

"For your trouble," Lupin gigled. "Like the good little whore you are." Lupin threw Harry's wand at him and stalked out.

Harry didn't hear Lupin leave, he lay on the floor, his skin and hair dirty with Lupin's fluids, looking at the knut.

He got up on shaky legs and struggled to one of the sinks, his legs hobbled by the clothes still around his ankles. He should probably have a shower, but he didn't think he wanted to be caught wandering the halls in this condition. He washed his hair and neck as best he could without the benefit of shampoo, just using the soap. At least it got the smell of Lupin off him. He could hardly believe that it had happened again, that he'd allowed it to happen. He'd allowed Lupin to rape him. But was it rape if you'd agreed to it?

Snape would never forgive him.

Harry was a little afraid of what he might find when he touched his backside. His fingers came away wet and red and he couldn't stop them trembling. Oh, God, what if Lupin had damaged him inside in some way? He'd been so rough and Harry closed his eyes as another wave of nausea engulfed him, remembering every time Lupin had raped him.

But this time there was no relief, he couldn't count on them just being memories. For Lupin was going to do it again and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. If he told anyone, even Snape, then Lupin would go to the headmaster and Snape would be sent from Hogwarts and he would die. Harry had no choice. He had to let Lupin do whatever he wanted.

Harry went to one of the stalls and padded up some toilet paper to stuff in his undewear. The bleeding wasn't stopping, but he couldn't go to Madadm Pomfrey about this, he just hoped it would stop soon. He pulled up his boxer shorts and gasped at the pain that stabbed through his abdomen. He breathed through it, trying to convince himself it was nothing, that he was fine and he could get back to class. It was Potions soon and he faltered, imagining how disappointed Snape would be if he ever found out what had happened.

Lupin's words boomed in his mind. Good little whore

It was true, he realised. He'd whored himself to save Snape.

He was a whore.

Snape would never want him now.

Part Nine