Hope Has a Place
Part Eleven
~ ~ ~

He stared down at Harry's sleeping form, glad that he hadn't heard what had been said. Snape didn't know how Harry would cope knowing that it was Dumbledore who'd really done this to him. Harry had enough betrayals to last him a lifetime. Snape didn't understand it, he couldn't conceive of deliberately causing harm like that.

Oh, he'd done his fair share of tortures while he was a Death Eater, but he took no pleasure in it and it was done out of necessity to keep his cover. He had never used rape as a weapon though, but he knew other Death Eaters who had. It didn't make it any easier to bear for Harry. Snape rubbed the blood from both their foreheads, hoping that the castle wards hadn't been alerted to illegal magic.

The spell wasn't Dark, not exactly, but it would bind Snape and Harry together as bond-mates, the nearest thing to a wizarding wedding without the ceremony or paperwork. Looking down at Harry, he realised he would be quite prepared to endure those too.

He was dimly aware of a rustling behind him as he stared at Harry and he turned round, only to find himself in the odd position of being embraced by Poppy Pomfrey. She was also sobbing on his shoulder. "Oh, Severus, I'm so sorry! We heard what the headmaster did! How could he? How could he?"

"How did you hear?"

"That privacy spell was only set to keep out students' ears, something which doesn't apply to Wendell or myself."

"I see."

"Healer Wendell would like to talk to you before you go, about Harry. He's also a counsellor as well as a Healer," she told him. Snape took one last glance at the sleeping boy in the bed.

"Very well," he turned to face the man hovering by Poppy's shoulder. "What would you like to discuss?"

"Well, I'll just go and get things ready, shall I?" said Poppy, smoothing down her apron, although there wasn't a crease in sight and bustled off to her office.

"Professor Snape, I hope you don't think I'm being presumptous in talking to you about Harry's recovery, I know you two are sort of in a relationship."

Sort of? Snape supposed they were at that. He wondered if anything between the two of them would ever be remotely normal.

"I've dealt with a lot of rape victims over the years, and I tell you it doesn't get any easier. But I want you to know if you or Harry ever want to talk, please know that I would do anything to help. I took the liberty of bringing you some books you might find helpful. Harry can read them too when he feels up to it. He may not want to be reminded of things so soon or talk about what happened for some time." The healer set the books down on a table at the bottom of one of the beds.

"I understand, thank you." Snape was surprised at the man's genuine concern. He used to think all the healers at St. Mungo's were a bunch of charlatans, like Sybil Trelawney, but Wendell did seem to know his stuff. "Is there anything I can do to help Harry through this?"

"The main thing is just knowing that you are there for him, that you care enough to stay with him. He needs something constant in his life right now, someone he trusts implicitly, and to Harry you are that person. I saw it in his mind. I wouldn't recommend that you pursue a sexual relationship with Harry for some time yet, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't touch him. On the contrary, any non-sexual touches can only help, as many hugs and cuddles as you can spare. Harry has to relearn that he is more than a sexual object, but the touches will also reinforce that you do not find Harry repulsive because of what happened. I think Harry will know his own limits and let you know if you ever go too far with what he is comfortable with."

Snape wasn't so sure of that, but he nodded at the healer anyway. "Do you think he''ll ever get over this?"

"Harry has a strong mind, so I think so, but we never really can tell with these things. Everyone's experience is so different."

"Is it normal for men who were raped to suffer from imptoency?"

"You haven't tried to have sex with him?" asked Wendell, appalled.

"No, of course not. Harry told me. He says he's never had an erection or an orgasm at all."

"Never? That is unusual, but you say that this started happening a few years ago, when Harry was young? Just hitting puberty if I don't miss my guess. The rape probably stopped Harry from experiencing normal sexual responses as he was growing up. There is nothing physically wrong with his body or its responses, I'm guessing that the impotence is a fear of intimacy due to what he's been through. It will take time, but I think as he recovers, his sexual responses will come to the fore again."

"I see, thank you healer," said Snape glancing down at the book titles. Reclaiming Your Body: Surviving Abuse, A Wizard's Guide to Sexuality, Re-learning Intimacy and other books in the same vein. "I'll make sure Harry gets these."

"Severus," called Poppy as she emerged from her office. "Can you please wake Harry and help him dress?" She held up a pair of dark blue jeans and an orange tee-shirt. It was just a shade lighter than Ronald Weasley's hair. Harry would probably look like a pumpkin in it. "We don't have much time. Master Dobain can only take the wards down for a few seconds."

"Is Harry well enough to leave?" he asked.

"He's well enough to get where you're going," she said and shoved the clothes at him. "Hurry!"

He didn't bother asking anymore questions, he wasn't sure he would like the answers. Snape shook Harry awake and then began dressing him when Harry didn't show much sign of waking up.

"Are we going somewhere?" Harry asked round a yawn just as Snape was yanking the jeans up his legs. He stopped mid thigh, guessing Harry could pull them all the way up after that.

"It seems that way," said Snape, looking away while Harry continued dressing. "Are you okay to walk?"

"I think so," said Harry and climbed out of bed. He steadied himself on the bedframe for a few moments, but he did manage to walk unaided to where Poppy was. "What's going on?" asked Harry before Snape could even think it.

"The wards will be down for a few seconds at eleven o'clock. Both of you will Apparate to Diagon Alley and from there you will take the Floo from the Leaky Cauldron, the private one in the upstairs parlour, not the public one in the lounge. Master Dobain has it all arranged with Tom."

"Who's Master Dobain?"

"I'll explain later, Harry," said Snape. "Poppy, we can't just leave like this. The war-"

"Will go on without you two. Don't worry, Severus, the Immortali have it all in hand. Here are the Floo co-ordinates to your destination. The place is well warded and is the middle of nowhere. Close the Floo as soon as you arrive and you will not be bothered."

"Poppy, I'm grateful for the offer, truly, but we can't do this. We're needed here."

"You can and you will. Both of you have served your time in this war against the Dark and both of you have suffered enough for it. I will not allow you to do any more. Consider yourselves honourably discharged. The war is over for you," she pressed a piece of yellowed parchment into his hands. "Go, both of you, go and heal."

"Harry?" Snape asked him. He would not force a choice on Harry, any choice.

"Ron and Hermione-" began Harry.

"Are here to say goodbye," came Weasley's voice from the doorway. Him and Hermione Granger were both smiling sadly as they walked towards Harry and both crushed him in a hug. Snape couldn't help the small frisson of jealousy as he watched the three of them together, but he stamped on it quickly. "You can owl us once you get settled, Harry, and maybe one day you can even invite us, can't you?" asked Hermione, tears glistening in her eyes. "We're going to miss you so much, Harry, but you should go. You have to get away from here, from where it happened."

"I will see you again, won't I?" Harry asked them.

"Of course you will!" said Ron, slapping his friend on the back. "You know where the Burrow is, don't you? And if Madam Pomfrey thinks it safe, we can visit you two in the summer. You should go, Harry, you deserve to be happy."

"And you don't mind?" Harry glanced at Snape and Ron laughed.

"Well, have to say it was a bit of a surprise, you and Professor Snape, but I know how much he loves you, so no, I don't mind at all."

Harry hugged both of them again before leaving his friends and moving to stand by Snape, placing his hands in his. The touch was unexpected but very welcome. "Well, professor, looks like we're leaving after all."

"Here," said Poppy, shoving two black cloaks in their arms. "Keep the hoods up so that you're not recognised." Poppy cast a spell at Harry and Snape saw the lightning bolt on his forehead disapper. "It's only a temporary glamour, but should hold until the two of you get to the Leaky Cauldron. The clock should stike eleven any minute now, get ready to Apparate you two."

Snape wrapped his arms around Harry, as Harry had never taken his Apparation test yet and Snape would have to perform an assisted Apparation. Both of them had to keep touching, otherwise the non-Apparator would have a good chance of ending up splinched. As soon as the first chime of eleven struck, Snape Apparated them both to Diagon Alley.

Harry stumbled a little as they materialised in the market square, but Snape was holding him tight enough that he didn't fall. They pulled up the hoods of their cloaks and made their way through the throng of morning shoppers to the inn. Adjusting his eyes to the smoky atmosphere within, Snape looked around for Tom, the innkeeper, who bustled over as soon as he saw the two of them.

"Ah, Mr. Smith," he said, performing a low bow. "I have your room ready upstairs. Follow me."

Harry and Snape made their way upstairs to the private parlour, which contained the only Floo in London not watched by the Ministry of Magic. The Order of the Phoenix used it a lot but Snape tried not to think of that. He wasn't a member of the Order anymore, he was a deserter, but the thought didn't bother him much. Better that Harry was away from all that. He would do anything in his power to keep Harry safe.

Oh, Snape had had a few liasions in his time, but he would never even go so far to say that any of them had been lovers. They were just two people who used each other as a way to ease tension, or maybe offer some comfort to each other in the dark. He'd never been in love before until Harry. He'd never felt this fierce protectiveness for anyone before. It wasn't just physical desire, although that was there too, but an underlying sense of belonging. They belonged to each other and he just knew that his world would never be the same again. Harry had brought light into his world again, after Snape had spent so long hidden in the dark at the behest of two masters who had used both he and Harry for their own ends.

"Professor?" asked Harry as they stood in front of the large brick fireplace, taking Snape out of his reverie.

Snape took the parchment from his pocket and memorised the co-ordinates. "You go first, Harry," he said, handing the boy the parchment. "I'll be along in a few moments." Harry hugged him before taking a pinch of floo powder and casting it into the fire, reading out the numbers as he did so. Harry disappeared amid swirling emerald flames. Snape took a deep breath before reaching for the Floo powder.

Snape had never told anyone, but he had a deep phobia about travelling by Floo. It seemed so uncontrolled compared to flying your own broomstick, or even Apparating. He also suffered terribly from Floo sickness, a travel related illness that made seasickness look like a mild cold. He wasn't looking forward to this at all, but Harry was waiting for him on the other side of that Floo.

Steeling himself, Snape stepped into the fireplace and cast the powder, getting ready to start his life with Harry.

Whatever that might turn out to be.

Part Twelve