Diagnosis in writing

I received my diagnosis in writing from my oncologist, Richard today:
Local recurrent invasive ductal cancer of the right breast
Management: Wide local excision April 2000 followed by right total mastectomy October 2005 and nodal sampling PT1 G2 NO (0/3) ER/PR positive
Further management: AC chemotherapy, Zoladex +Aromatase inhibition

It’s very strange to see it in writing, so clinical and exact. Not quite right though as the first time around was in situ cancer rather than invasive, but I’ll forgive Richard as it makes no difference to the ‘management’ now.

I’m now relieved that I went through chemotherapy. The words ‘invasive’ and ‘recurrent’ = serious shit, something not to be messed with. I now know that I have done absolutely everything that I can to beat this. I have had my right tit cut off, have lost my fertility, have taken a cocktail of drugs intravenously and am rattling with pills. I have no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes and no libido. I remain optimistic that these things will return, but it’s been a hard journey and one that I do not want to repeat. Not ever. But I can now continue the rest of my hopefully hairy life confident that if the cancer ever does make a reappearance, that it will be against all the odds and in the face of aggressive treatment. My odds haven’t been good thus far, but I remain the optimist!

More photos

More photos.....
From the Fashion Show by a professional photographer (OK - Rachel , you are a professional, but you know what I mean...!). Not sure which ones to order - think the black and white ones are really interesting. Please click on the comment button below and let me know which is your favourite.

Zoladex - 'Z' Day

Today was 'Z' day - my monthly Zoladex injection. This supresses my ovaries and stops the production of oestrogen. It is a painful injection into your stomach and is in fact a time release pellet in a gun, disguised as an injection. It really hurt today, probably because my own GP is on holiday and I had a new person, who was not that sympathetic to me being there. "Why are you seeing me rather than the nurses, who are quite capable of doing this injection" was her second comment. She had managed a "hello" previously. Needless to say I was rather taken aback and explained that it was the surgery that had told me that only GPs are allowed to do this 'injection' and that I also had a prescription request. This was for daily Arimidex tablets which will give a further mop up of oestrogen around my body. So, here I am, pre-menopausal going through an enforced menopause - hot flushes, sweats and other vile side effects. I am trying to minimise the side effects with high doses of Evening Primrose oil and natural remedies including Herbal Essences and pills, but those sweats just keep on happening. Think they may be getting a bit better, but they are definitely still with me.

So after the visit to the doctors, I went to see Laurel . Laurel has had breast cancer herself and then retrained as a complementary therapist. I had a few free sessions with her following my mastectomy, but now pay for sessions with her which are a bit of a lifeline. I never know quite what we are going to do, I just turn up and see what happens. It very much depends on what's going on for me. Today we did some visualisation around 'Mr Arimidex' which has helped me to see it as part of my wder treatement plan, which I am in charge of and which is time limited. At some point (and it's never soon enough for me!), things will return to 'normal'. One thing that is not reversible is my fertility - a source of grief and pain that can be overwhelming. And it was today. I am left with an image of a big fat juicy black grape on a vine in a biome. Beautiful, unspoilt and controlled - my oestrogen/ovaries as it should be. A contrast to my fears of a small brown raisin, shrivelled before its time. Dead or dying with a bitter flavour. Something to think about.

Breast Cancer Fashion Show Photos

The photos from the fashion show for Breast Cancer Research are now in the ether - check this link or the thumbnail photos here - please go and have a look!

I was one of 18 models on the catwalk at Sally Gunnells house on Thursday. We have all had breast cancer and most of us are undergoing some treatment or other. There were two shows, afternoon and evening, with auction and other activities. As you will see from the photos, I strutted my stuff, flicked my wig and shaked that booty! I had a FAB time, made even more enjoyable with friends and family there - Tim, Cleo, Lisa and Rachel (see photos), who were able to see what a show off I really am! Sally was lovely, so down to earth and clearly very generous, giving her time, energy and home up to raising money for Breast Cancer Research.

As one of 'Group 3' (Marie, Carol, Anne-Marie, Tracy and Pat), I paraded day wear (Modernist Rock) and Tea Party outfits followed by my personal favourite, evening wear (Woman in the Red Dress) to the sounds of Kylie and Shirley B!

Folllowed it all with champagne, which continued at home with Cleo (drinking, not the champagne...) until 4am.......oooohhhh the gossip and the hangover.........!!!!!

Caroline, Robyn and Diana - missed you, but sure that there will be some other opportunity to raise money in an enjoyable way....watch this space!

'No Bra Required' is the state of the upper part of my body. It describes where I am now, following breast cancer surgery and reconstruction. I've linked this blog to my website http://homepages.which.net/~sue.simmons/